Shattered
by MJElliot
Summary: (after the events in Italy) Edward and Alice have gone hunting. Bella comes home from school to find that something horrible has happened, something that turns her world upside down
1. Chapter 1

It's one of the few sunny days in Forks and as usual Edward and Alice are skipping school. They're out hunting somewhere, while I have to go through a whole day without him. I hate these days and I'm really glad there are so few of them. I'm glad to have school. It keeps my mind off the pain of his absence.

Things have changed a lot after the trip to Italy. We became a lot closer, closer than I thought was possible and I am no longer afraid of the uncertainty of his feelings. But no matter how good things are between us, I still feel the edges of my dark whole pushing through my chest, making me struggle for air when he's not around. Luckily I only have to fight the awful feeling of loneliness a couple more hours- Edward would come for me after he returns from the hunting trip.

As I am about to pull in the drive way, I notice my dad's car is already here. Strange… He never comes home from work early. Not to mention three hours early- I check my watch just to be sure.

'Dad? I'm home! How come you're off work?' I take of my coat and throw my back pack on the sofa. He isn't in the living room as I expect him to be. Or the kitchen. Hmmm…maybe he's sick. I rarely have seen Charlie sick, and on those rare occasions he usually doesn't pay much attention to his condition.

I start up the stairs to my bedroom when I feel it. The smell that makes my stomach turn. I can feel the color wash out from my checks and my head starts to spin. At the same time a sense of absolute horror washes over me.

'Dad?!' my voice is shaky as I dart upwards, trying to ignore my heaving breath and light head that usually come before a fainting spell. My heart pounds, my cheeks are on fire but my hands are clammy and cold. I get no answer. I hope and I pray a thousand prayers while I stumble up the stairs and stop in front of my bedroom. The door is half open and the smell is stronger. I feel the house swirl around me.

'No, no, no, no.. I whisper without realizing if it's was out loud or in my head. My lungs refuse to work anymore. I see my hand reaching for the door in slow motion, and giving it a weak push.

And then I am falling, gasping for air, tears flooding my eyes. My throat closes up and I can't scream or cry or say anything. My father is spread on the floor in mangled heap, one of his arms twisted in a sick angle and half his throat ripped to pieces. He lies there, dead, in a pool of his own blood his face a fierce mask, his eyes still open, staring at the ceiling. My world seems to collapse on itself, the walls of my perfect little glass bubble shattered in a million pieces. I take one last step and fall on my knees next to his head and I putting my hands on his shoulder. He's still warm and this realization breaks something inside me. The hole Edward made when he left me bursts open again but with such a ferocity I feel my body break. And I know this time it will never close.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't know how much time passed by as I sat motionless next to my father's dead body.

I didn't feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, knotting themselves under my chin and spilling relentlessly on the front of my shirt. I didn't feel the rusty smell that used to make me faint and quiver. I couldn't feel anything except for the crushing grief that pushed down on my chest, squeezing my lungs, turning my breath into a ragged fight that spread the hurt through my body.

Everything around me seemed to just disappear—the room, the house, the entire world. It was just me and him standing in a void of feelings. He couldn't feel anymore, so why should I?

I stared at his face and watched it turn the grey color of things lost forever. I held his hand in my own and felt it grow colder, stiffer, clenching around mine in a lifeless grip. And then, suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a rush of sounds and colors, memories of his laugh as he pushed me on the swing and I giggled in a childish voice

'Higher, Daddy, higher!'

I saw his eyes crinkle with pride as I pedaled on my own for the first time. I saw him reading to me at bed time, I saw his face twisting in pain as me and my mom drove away from him toward a new life. I saw him bathed in the southern sun, looking so out of place in the sea of tanned bodies but happy to be by my side.

All the little things, that seemed so inconsequential before, came back to me in flashes—the tightness in his shoulders whenever he said goodbye, the crease between his brows when he was worried, the way his eyes shone when he was happy. I heard his voice vibrate in a million different sentences; I heard his laughter and his worry. And I kept replaying everything in my head, trying to keep it from fading away, faster and faster until I was engulfed in a cacophony of sounds and images—all Charley, all gone now… because of me.

As soon as the realization hit the silence came crashing down around me again. It was just me and him, me and my punishment for wanting to belong to a world that clearly had no place for me inside.

I did this. I was so blinded my selfish desire that I never really considered how my actions would affect the people I loved.

I did this… I put his life in danger without ever giving him any kind of warning.

I did this… I did this. _I_ did this!

A set of stone cold arms embraced me from behind and I heard his warm, honey like voice whispering soothing words in my ear. There was a time, not so long ago, when that voice would have chased away my sorrow, when that touch would have taken away the pain. But now they only felt foreign, alien…cold.

He tried to move me but I resisted. It was a feeble attempt- human strengths was nothing compared to that of vampires. Nonetheless it fazed him. He wasn't used to my opposition, only to my compliance.

"Bella, love, you have to let go now. You shouldn't be here." His voice was velvet soft, pleading.

"No." My throat constricted in pain as the word fought its way out. "I did this." My words came out as a statement—clear and surprisingly steady.

"No, love, you mustn't blame yourself…" his other words failed to reach me. Of course I did it. If I had stayed away like everybody told me to, my dad would still be alive.

Edward started to lift me up but I resisted again. He didn't stop this time, trying to pry me away from the body. _The body_. That is what became of my father. Because I wasn't there for him.

"Put me DOWN!" I shouted, then started thrashing around when Edwards' steely grip wouldn't release me. "I did this to him! _I_ did it! I wasn't here for him! Leave me alone! Leave me ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!" My screams bounced off the walls of my small room, louder and louder until I was sure my windpipe would start bleeding. I savagely swung my legs, kicking Edward, probably only hurting myself but it didn't matter. I used my fingers that turned into claws to scratch and tear my way out of his arms. When he finally let go, I landed in a heap at his feet. He stared at me, a mix of bewilderment and pain painted on his beautiful features. I didn't allow myself to care. I turned my back to him and used my last ounce of energy to crawl to my dad's side.

"Get out." I could barely manage a sore whisper, but I knew he heard me. I didn't bother to check if he actually listened. Instead I wrapped my arms around my dad's cold body, in an embrace that that came too late to make a difference and finally let out the sobs trapped inside the empty spot where my heart used to be.


End file.
